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Thursday, 3 March 2011

God, I hate Hollywood

Note: The reason why I have not updated about the State of the Republic is because I needed some time after the election to calm down lest I write naught but insane drivel and make a damn fool of myself. In the meantime, lets talk about what seems to be big on the Monarchist Blogosphere right now, Monarchy in the Movies. Lets have a rant about that first.

I went to see the King's Speech last week, and if nothing else about it, it made me laugh with the interactions between His Majesty and his speech therapist. But you can read other blogs about in depth reviews of movies and the subtle untruths and liberal whitewashing strewn throughout it, I wont waste my time reviewing it in depth here. Not this is about how monarchy and anything traditional is represented in movies these days. BraveHeart, Robin Hood, Kingdom of Heaven and now an upcoming movie entitled Ironclad.

In these movies, even the romantically entertaining ones such as Braveheart and Elizabeth: The Golden Age which usually portray ONE of the monarchs as the good guy, (except in Braveheart where the portrayed Robert the Bruce as a cowardly slave to his ailing father's will who betrayed William Wallace at the crucial moment and reaped the crown anyway), The same God damn annoying tropes are seen again and again and again and again. The kings are useless, evil, or nothing without a crass, classless friend to poke them along (did I mention Braveheart made it seem as if William Wallace started off the rebellion as a Peasant?), the Heroes are cynical sceptics of the contemporary government system and, (if it has a religious bent such as in the Season of the Witch) They are also sceptics religiously by default BECAUSE GOD FORBID WARRIOR HEROES IN THE MIDDLE AGES NOT BE SCEPTICS. Another Annoying trope and one that does not limit itself to the its representation in movies set in the middle ages is the uselessness of priest characters. If they are not Fanatics, they are somber, brooding, unhappy delirious, insane or otherwise extremely unlikeable persons who NEVER answer a sceptical character's questions. Ever. Its a rule, even when the priest characters are presented as good they are never able to answer a question that even I, poor sod of a Layman could answer, A priest is a man who dedicates his life to such questions and he wouldn't even attempt an answer? Really!? Also don't get me started on supposedly Catholic characters believing in the Rapture. This trope is endemic in any and every exorcism movie, especially the latest one, The Rite which I have to admit was a little entertaining but who's glaring flaws annoyed the hell out of me.

And now this new movie, Ironclad, it has told me enough from the teaser advert and promotional poster alone to tell me it is Kingdom of Heaven meets Robin Hood. Disillusioned sceptic of a crusader returns home and rebels against his king who is of course a ruthless bloody tyrant who rules arbitrarily and the hero will fight for democracy and freedom and tolerance and blah blah blah, God why can't I go to the cinema and just be entertained anymore?

If nothing else, the new Batman Movies are in my own view immensely entertaining, but it is a sorry state of affairs when professional entertainers can present comic book characters in faithful if original lights and not History.


  1. Well, if you're after something where the monarch gets to be awesome, might I suggest Le Chevalier D'Eon (Louis XV is a scheming bastard, Tsarinas Elizabeth and Catherine are awesome, George III is principled, though all are really only minor characters in the events). Another one to consider is Gundam Wing, where Relena is awesome (in a peaceful way) and Treize is awesome (in a military way).

    Finally, I'd also suggest Rick Riordan's The Lost Hero. Right at the end, Jason, the main character, prays to his father Jupiter and basically says "You're my dad, you're also my king. I know my duty, and I know yours."

    I'm afraid there's not a lot else I can pass on to you, unless you want to look at Warhammer.

  2. Robin Hood makes me shudder every time I watch it. It seems that all they did was pull some characters from the legend and the history books, and cobbled together their own story.

  3. I completely agree. I greatly enjoyed Braveheart and it inspired me to learn a little more about the man in history - it came as a surprise not only to learn of his brothers, but also that they were minor nobility.

    But I must say, at least we have a reasonably faithful rendering of Tolkien's Ring trilogy (and the noble northern spirit that informed his work) to the screen...given that it depicts the true king as a wandering ranger, banished to the wilds, and concludes with him embracing his destiny and leading the race of men at the end of the age, it is a film truly apposite to our time: "There's no strength left in the world of Men.They're scattered, divided, leaderless." "An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of Men comes crashing down."

  4. Mr.Wells,decent suggestions, Gundam wing was in fact my first anime next to escaflowne and some obscure alien invasion anime where the hero wore a mech suit that drained his metabolism or some such, (no it wasn't evangelion, thank God, I could do without the confusion and mental scarring at such a young age). I admit I always did like the character of Treize, but then again he was portrayed to be liked, if nothing else Japanese media does tend to portray does of noble station in appropriate reverence, one aspect in their popular culture that pleases me. I had also began watching Chevalier D'Eon and its ludicrous if inventive take on the subject matter and I adored the Machiavellian presentations of the Nobility and the Royals, if nothing else it made them both believably European and characterisations for otherwise minor characters.

    Never heard of Lost Hero, but I have been something of a nut for the warhammer Lore, (both fantasy and 40k) for a few years now.

    Anon. I personally found the idea of Robin Hood offensive, while it is intended to be inspired by the theory that the legend was inspired to keep up the moral of the aspiring Yeoman class in medieval England and an attempted portrayal of the fractured nature of Feudal Europe, I share your disdain at the presentations of the characters. Far, far too much of it was cobbled together on a whim and frankly I found barely a single character likeable. Also the feral children was a bit of a disingenuous touch.

    And Mac an Ri, I adored the trilogy, the mythologies that inspired it and the subtle nuances in tolkien's writings that shone through at times in the film, it was a glorious piece and I couldn't be happier it exists in our time.

  5. I have to disagree with you about the cinema. I am a cinema addict and I do believe that films preserve a lot of the ideals that TV and literature has (to a great extent) discarded. Even if they are not explicitly religious they have religious undertones-- a belief that life is worth living (as Fulton Sheen would say), that good is deeper than evil, that love is different from lust, etc. etc.

    I even think the King's Speech was basically wholesome. There were some horrible parts, like the part where Geoffrey Rush sat on the throne in Westminster Abbey, but even then, the reaction of the King was presented rather sympathetically ("you're trivialising everything!"). It was a film which had a basically positive portrayal of monarchy. As did The Queen. As did Lord of the Rings. As did Young Victoria.

    I think the best film about monarchy, though, is Cromwell from 1970, starring Richard Harris and Alec Guinness. It tries to be even-handed, and it does present King Charles as being Machiavellian, but I do feel it presents the case for monarchy quite strongly-- I don't think anyone could remain unmoved by the execution scene. It's one of my very favourite films.

  6. Maolsheachlann, I am not criticising cinema itself, I am stating I hate Hollywood, and the minds who dominate this particular medium. I view cinema as an artform and the qualities you ascribe to it are indeed qualities of cinema itself.

    I do not deny this.

    I am stating I hate the abuse of cinema and the gross propagation of agenda behind most modern movies.

  7. The problem is, Movies, like Books, will reflect the views or understanding of the Authors, and today the Filmmakers prefer to project Modern Philosophical and Political views onto the past so the Characters are Relatable in theory to the Audience and so that they fit today’s expectations. After all, they think that if the Characters are to find connection to the Audience, they must be like them. “True Grit” disproved this, but I bet we will still see more films of this nature.

    Besides, the Films exist to basically retell the same general Stories we see today of Liberty and Freedom coming form Democracy, and are used to manipulate the audience as much as anything else.

    That said, to be fair, “Season of The Witch” was a bad movie to begin with and I don’t think one should take it Seriously. The only problem with it was they didn’t make it totally campy so we could enjoy it as a comedic venture. That way it’d have been Gold for another reason than its makers had expected.

  8. Servant of the Chief, I'm an American and you are dead to rights on all this stuff. At least Ireland still has the remnants of a culture to corrupt; the US is ground zero for this crap. Hollywood corrupts everything.

  9. They are remaking the great gatseby in 3d

    Hollywood doesn't respect itself let alone anyone or anything else

  10. god is the ultimate source of evil.

    And black people will be sacrificed to help whites.
    Falling for temptation and prostituting the only individuals with any worth will envoke the god's punishment. Nurturing pedophelia, the gods will begin to tell blacks to adopt the homosexual lifestyle, and we will see mass influx into the gay community. This in turn will create a secondary market for pre-pubescent prostitution, male homoseuxual child prostitution.
    Concrete evidence homosexuality is nothing more than growth out of pedophelia, this black phenomina will be used to help whites recognize homosexuality for what it is and abandon homosexuality. In turn, this sacrifice will buy the otherwise Damned blacks another "second chance" on the next Planet Earth, one they do not deserve yet will have earned throguh their sacrifice.
    Likely the clue sent with positioning surrounding this Situation.
    Blackk people don't deserve this with their behavior, but it is not their time. Black people are good who are HIGHLY suseptable to temptation, and they have fallen HARD, as we will see again with the pedophelia issue.
    What this would suggest is the role of "playing god" will/has been positioned to be transferred over to the trillionaires sometime, creating another hurdle and making ascention just than much more difficult.

    The short-term job was essential for the god's positioning. Without it they would have looked like trash when they got me sick and costed me my career.
    As with my childhood they needed inactive/sedintary to ensure unrespectability, necessary to grease the wheels of their positioning.
    Maggots feeding at my carcass.

    As I was saying Navy Yard killings in DC is likened to the Oakland Riders tactic of a couple years ago, ensuring as many blacks as possible gloss over the Costa Concordia clue, yet another Concord clue in the Situation. Should be effective considering blacks typically are not the shooters, effectively preoccupying blacks.

    god is the source of all evil.

    1. While I usually allow all sorts to post comments on my blogpost I'm a fraid I must ask:

      What special brand of madness did you just vomit up?

    2. My response would simply consist of:
      the comment above is pretty close to just randomly throwing statements together with no reason for any of them to be true.