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Friday, 18 October 2013

With apologies to Narcissus

It has been some time since my last post and it has been for a good reason. Because for the longest while I have been under the veil of utter despair.

The reasons many fold, of course, and, to regular visitors and readers of this blog, quite obvious. I am something of an introvert, you see, while I can chat up a storm when in the right mood, I nonetheless keep alot of thoughts close to my chest including personal ones, as is only proper and gentlemanly. However, it led to a disproportionate amount of naval gazing on my part, self criticism and defeatism which conspired to choke whatever flame I had to motivate my writings on this blog. For quite some time I doubted I even believed anymore. But such is the way of depression.

Over this period I attacked myself for personal failings as well as the impossibility of saving this world, restoring monarchy in any sense were it would be worthy to be restored, or even as moderately saving Ireland from its own downfall.

Well so it was until I went to the Novena of St. Gerard Majella in Dundalk this past week, as did thousands of others. There, amdist the confessionals, the soaring arches, the beautifully vaults of the ceiling and the high altar did I make my first confession in a quite some time. There really is nothing like having a weight lifted off of you to give some perspective on exactly how silly you have been. I started to analyse exactly why I had been the way I had been.

My answer came to me as soon as myself and my mother walked back to our car. We passed by a corner bar, quite a large one, that had been shut down. Iron grates placed upon the windows and doors and in a doorway there was a pair of red slippers and an empty bottle of vodka.

It was a microcosm. The reasons why I had been in such despair in miniature form. Upon asking my mother about the bar I learned it was actually quite a popular one back in the day, and the most stereotypical of Irish bars as Irish bars get and looks about what you'd expect. Complete with the now old fashioned hanging sign advertising Guinness. The global recession had killed it and the area was poorer and more distraught for the loss. And as we drove passed newly built yet thoroughly empty office buildings I began to consider what else had been killing me silently.

The first of many instances I recall was walking in the castlecourt shopping center in Belfast. I was standing in line for burger king (fastfood being a problem in itself but one cancer at a time please), and in front of me in the line were a pair of girls no older then 14, 15 at the most. Both were wearing black jackets with a pink female figure in silhouette on its back grasping a pole suggestively. They were both attendants at some pole dancing instructor class, I saw this and my heart broke. What was once and still is illicit, erotic and shameful is now being thought to young girls as exercise and socially acceptable. This and a million other things accumulated silently but it was only now I realized that it wasn't these evils that had been having such an effect on me, but my impotency in countering it.

I am reminded of a post on the badcatholic blog on Patheos, which rages against the ephemeral and immaterial nature of modern day language and concerns. Modern morality is relativistic, good and evil are relative, which ultimate means all moral concerns are immaterial and do not ultimately matter. Therefore you must constantly talk in circles when confronting someone on a matter. He compared it to something like trying to grasp smoke or boxing with a ghost. Futile by design.

And it was this powerlessness that got to me in the end. What was I to do? Scream at the children in front of me that they were being trained to prostitute themselves? Insist in paying the shopkeeper in grams of gold for my purchases to frustrate the monetary noose around our necks? What issue could I truly solve without proclaiming myself Dictator and usurping the nation?

And so I festered, failing to look after my own well being of body or soul for such was my despair. I started this blog knowing I was fighting an uphill battle from the utter depths of the Marianas trench for a goal that was ultimately intellectual: that of propagating monarchism as a valid idea in the Irish consciousness. But all the horrors of the modern world desecrating absolutely everything sacred and beautiful, and the blunt truth that nothing but forceful emotionalism will win hearts in this narcissistic age of hedonism and vice forced me to curl up in my foxhole, shell shocked. King David had it easy, it seemed, at least Goliath could be struck.

So it would have been the end of this blog had it not been for that Novena and my remembrance of that kernal of Irishness. That stubborn, dogged, bloody minded refusal of evil. The same spark that brought the Drunkard to prayer, and the spiteful man to give to charity. Less because it is expected and more because it is what ought to be done and somewhere within us we know it. It is what brought my mother to confession even though she continues to stress to me that she doesn't believe she requires it. A strange sort of hope that confounds despair, and sunders confusion. That even now with our culture so thoroughly ravaged and destroyed by Americanism and the financial follies of the modern world, Hibernia can still be saved, body and soul. If Ireland could survive the horrors of neglect, murder, rapine, famine, torture and war through the centuries, it will survive this most brutal of drug addictions. Such is what I believe. Or else I will die.

I know not how, or by what means, but this ship will be righted and by God, it will have a crown.

8 comments:

  1. A very thought provoking post. As one who lives in the birthplace of Americanism, I wish to pass on words of hope, and something else to consider.

    As for hope, it is true that we fight an uphill battle against the forces of hedonism that assail our respective countrymen from all sides. However, God has made the human spirit stronger than that assault. You may be as one crying out in the desert, but there will always be those who will hear your cry and give honest consideration to your words. So, do it for them.

    Here's what I think you should consider. As well as being a monarchist, I am also a distributist. Although I do not write about monarchy, I do write about Distributism and, because of that, I am considered a crank by those who don't take the time to actually consider what we're trying to say. Just as you look at the fight to restore monarchy and find it futile, I look at the fight to restore Distributism and find it just as futile. So, why do I keep on doing it when I sincerely believe that I won't see any fruits of my labors in my lifetime? For future generations.

    The distributists of the early 20th century never saw victory for their movement, but here I am attempting to carry on the great work they started. Why do I do this? Because I believe they were right, and that, some day, when the philosophically barren economics of capitalism and socialism fail completely, masses of people will finally turn in earnest to see if there is another way.

    I may not be around to see it, but these people will find whoever has followed my unworthy steps in this battle. However, if I give up, if we don't preserve the message for the day when society will finally be ready (desperate enough) to give it a try, then the message won't be there for them.

    I think the same is true for monarchy. So, don't give in to despair because your blog does not appear to be breaking through the wall of noise and hedonistic distraction that relentlessly attacks our societies. Know that there are monarchists here in America, and you have reached at least one of us.

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    1. I am glad my blog has helped others such as yourself, thank you for your kind words, David.

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  2. I also look on hopelessly at the state of the world sometimes. Unlike you, however, I tend to fall into moods of disgust and contempt rather than moods of depression. The world is all about indulging in selfishness, and that's a difficult thing to compete with; especially with people who think they can do what they want and still be a "good" person.

    The Lord always wins, Servent. Maybe we won't be allowed to live in a time when this is evident, but that's okay. We won't be the only Catholics to ever live through such times. Given the state of human nature, I suppose it seems natural that we tend to fall into particularly horrible times like the current age we're living in, only to have the Lord once again show His mercy to us to glorify Himself and make a complete mockery of everything that is opposed to him.

    Those we fight against can attack us in ways that make them popular, but in ways that damage the Faith if we tried to use the same tactics. For eg, if they use mockery then they are seen as witty and intelligent (even if they haven't made a valid point). On the other hand, if Catholics use mockery then we are only hardening the hearts of those we fight against, which does us no good. Those we fight have many weapons. We have fewer but more powerful weapons if used right; not to mention our leaders and protectors are infinitely more than anyone they send against us.

    It's not so much the war we're worried about, so much as it is the casualties - on both sides. Dealing with casualties is something that has to be done in a more personal manner I feel. However, blogs such as yours are also great for sparking interest in what you talk about and also giving support to those who agree with you.

    I am also quite shy in reality, and at one point I probably would have never considered standing up for my faith if someone were to publicly mock it. However, between Church Militant TV and the different blogs I've been reading I feel myself being a bit more courageous - slowly but surely.

    There have been many atrocities in this war Servent, but don't lose heart. One way or another we will win. Honourable fight and just war.

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    1. Disgust can only take me so far, unfortunately, before it turns into burning hatred and ugliness. i thank you for your kind words nonetheless Antaine. It has been a difficult year.

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  3. Out of curiosity and as fellow Irish man who is a monarchist but not Catholic, under which royal house do you consider our great yet small country to be facing in awe and firmly united under.

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    1. Honestly, I am not sure, which is strange given how much thought I give to this topic personally. From reading the opinions of others however, it seems that among the Nativist nobility, the O'Connor Don would be the most likely candidate, although quite a few call for a House Stuart pretender, which I do not personally support.

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    2. I have heard of some also wanting O'Connor Don and if it came to it I would have no problem turning my support to them but I personally would prefer The Prince of Thomond, The O'Brien dynasty.

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  4. Do you ever chat to other monarchists or traditionalists online or face to face? Or indeed, do you ever talk to people outside of this blog about your social or political views at all? If not, you may find it helpful to do so. Oftentimes the despair is as much caused by bottling up your frustrations and anger about the ills of life and the world around you as those ills themselves.

    Certainly, your friends and family would be a good place to start. They already know you and have a good rapport with you, and as such are less likely to reject you simply for having an unusual political view. A priest or spiritual director would also be a good person to vent to as well.

    ++Cynewulf of Witenstaple++

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